remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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