she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
