real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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