Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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