is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
