neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
