its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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