I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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