Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
