I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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