Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
P.S. I can't hear my feet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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