Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
