hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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