Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
