If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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