Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
