Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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