Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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