I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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