I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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