Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
