New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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