accomplished twins. life is a go
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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