thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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