Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
