Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
