Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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