U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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