i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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