Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
