I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize