have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize