I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
