She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
