when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
