the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize