I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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