I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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