I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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