sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
