Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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