Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
