why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
