yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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