I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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