Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
