Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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