I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
