I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize