You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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