so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
