It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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