Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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