So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
