Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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