some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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