Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
