so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
