I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
