An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize