I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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