Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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