You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
