Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
