I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize