After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize