it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
